The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
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