SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
