if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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