who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He shit in the fireplace
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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