bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
