good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
