got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
