I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
