You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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