Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
