thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
home. puking in laundry basket.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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