Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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