I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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