Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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