my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need moral support for this bender
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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