I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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