I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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