Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize