He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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