My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
