You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
