Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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