how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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