david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
