I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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