just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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