Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
