When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
