Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
