i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
