My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
