You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize