so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
