dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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