Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize