You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
