Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
