The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
