Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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