I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The air taste purple.
Randomize
