glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
