What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
