Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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