but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
