I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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