Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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