You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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