It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize