Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
