Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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