he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
