none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
