It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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