I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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