i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
