dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
