I hate your face
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
