Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
