Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
