I accidentally had phone sex last night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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