dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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