If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
