my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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