I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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