she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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