if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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